When I was sleeping


I fell asleep today…
I Dreamed of you and a boy with your name
Defiantly stating that you shouldn’t be named the same, lest people get confused


In reality I didn’t want to think of you when I thought of this boy
I did not want him to be confused in my mind with the monster that you could sometimes be..


The boy sang and had a voice like an angel
When he smiled at me, you looked on with jealousy and anger in your eyes
And when I smiled at him I knew that later I would feel your wrath


I believe that this boy went on to change his name, and I swear I heard his voice and still he sings like an angel..
only he could ever confirm that…


But then I woke up, with the curious feeling that your arms were around me
Remembering that though you could be a monster, I loved you anyway.

For a brief moment I could smell your scent
And hear your voice like the whispering of wind in my ears. For a brief moment I felt love again.


Tears falling from my eyes as I realize that I am alone. That you are forever gone into the ocean.
Back to the sea, back to earth
Back to the cosmos
Only alive in that space in the darkness of my mind


The place that can take away or give memories precious and sweet or
Terrifying and heart breaking
There you wait for me.
To give these trinkets of the past, back to me piece by piece.

As many fragments there as I have cried in tears. A price that I am willing to pay to even for a brief moment feel that love again.

Gray Sky

The sky is gray
The storm rolls in
The wind picks up
So it begins

I walk all alone
In the pouring rain
Amongst the trees
Holding in my pain

My thoughts turn to you
The tears fall down
But you can’t tell
As the thunder sounds

The lightning flash
It hurts my eyes
Here in the rain
It’s safe to cry

Soaked to the bone
The chill sets in
It matters not
My only warmth was him

Masked by the storm
Cries go unheard
I bow my head
Think of final words

And the storm breaks
Just like my heart
The blue sky returns
And I depart

I hide my pain
I wipe away the tears
I walk alone with out you
This was my biggest fear

© Missi The Broken Doll 2021

Love (Unconditional)

Have you ever forgiven someone
For far more than you should
Have you ever given someone
Everything that you possibly could

You would cry them an ocean
You would raise them up high
You would make them your whole world
While you watch yourself die

Unconditional, my love has always been.. unconditional.
Unconditional, even though you hurt, Unconditional.

Would you suffer in silence
All alone with your pain
Would you lose your self in grief
Would you shoulder all the blame

Could you walk away from everything
All that you love and know
Would you extinguish your own light
So another can reap what you sow

Unconditional, my love for you is still… Unconditional.
Unconditional, even through the pain, it’s Unconditional.

Using words, truth and love
Would you fight for your life
Would you show him your heart to defend yourself
Even if it made him cry

Unconditional… do you finally see.. unconditional
Unconditional… how love should really be… unconditional

When flowers are blooming off season
In the spring on moon lit night
Though all of the fear through all of the tears
She still dreams of when you held her tight

Pain and memories dancing
Limits broken like glass
You were all that she wanted
You belonged to her like she belonged to you, you were hers at last

Unconditional, she’ll always be yours… unconditional.
Unconditional, now you’ve seen the truth… unconditional.

She would always lie to protect you
Only for you would she bleed
For you she still suffers
Most of her heart you still keep

Would you keep a promise to one who is dead
To protect those you love still alive
Could you love them forever, love that won’t be severed
Even after they’ve died

Unconditional, after all you’ve done… Unconditional.
Unconditional, Even though you’re gone, love you, Unconditional.

Would you break another’s heart
By calling him brother and friend
Hiding your love and your feelings
So that you won’t hurt him

Watching over him silently
through all the years
Holding memories close
fighting back all the tears

Unconditional… You’ve always understood her… unconditional
Unconditional.. my forever loves… you will always be… unconditional.

You swore to always protect him
from knowing all your pain
But because of things unforseen
He found out anyway

To protect someone from yourself
Would you send them away
Never be in their presence again
When all you wanted was for them to stay

Unconditional.. even when you didn’t know.. unconditional
Unconditional… I’ve always loved you dear, unconditional.

Would you break what was left of your heart
Even though you heard his call
Always loving him from a distance
Better than not being allowed to love him at all

He can pull you from hell
He can light up the dark
And he still keeps safe
What is left of her heart

Unconditional, I hope you still feel the love… Unconditional.
Unconditional, my love will always be, Unconditional.

© Missi The Broken Doll 2021

Grief

Memories crash into me hitting me like a wave knocking me from my feet
The tears fall uncontrollable distorting my vision
For a brief moment I am in another time and another place
The breath leaves my body almost as forcefully as if I’d been struck
Shaken for a moment by a tempestuous past
Regaining composure I wipe the tears away
I continuing on without you

© Missi The Broken Doll 2021

Unconditionally

You came to me as I cried, I ran into your arms.
One final time.
My weakest moments were yours now to keep.
Shared with you my darkness.
How I loved you my angel.
I don’t remember everything that was said so long ago.
So much time has passed.
But I remember the kindness, and sadness in your voice.
I remembered too much then,
I remember too little now.
My life and mind ripped to shreds in a moment.
In a series of circumstances unforseen.
Breaking me apart like a porcelain doll.
A mannequin shell left empty and bleeding.
Forgive me my sins against you.
Forgive me weakness.
I hope you know I see you now.
I see you clearly.
With tears still in my eyes.
Songs of sadness…
Songs of longing…
Songs of unanswered questions.
You play for us three.
Yes, I see.
Only time will tell, if the endless rain will ever cease.
Understanding the past is a part of the future. 
The art of life is suffering beautifully. 
The meaning and reason is, for love.
To love without expectation.
To love freely.
To love without condition.
Because to love is divine.
The closest thing to divinity a human soul can comprehend.
And love you both I do, still, without expectation, freely and unconditionally.
That has never changed.
The heart always remembers what the mind forgets.
The bond between us forged with such a strength that it can never be broken.
I hear your call.
You call to me as surely as I know you can still feel my pain and my love.
Forever love, the one who bears the weight of secrets that he was never meant to know.
He who walks and smiles sadly in an endless rain.
Remember that I have always loved you both.
And it always be as it has always been.
The pain never disappeared, but neither has the love

© Missi The Broken Doll 2021

Strength

“I admire your strength” you say. “You’ve always been so strong.”
I’ve had to be strong for so long
I dont want to have to be strong anymore
I want rest I want peace I want love
I’m weary to the point of collapse
I’m tired of picking up the pieces
More scatter in the winds like flowers
Every time I find fewer
The cracks and tares become holes
Draining me
Bleeding me dry
Until there is nothing left
The empty consumes me
Engulfs me
Yet I put one foot in front of the other
I carry on, but for what? For who?
“I admire your strength” you say. “You’ve always been so strong.”
Fighting back tears, “Thanks” I say with a smile
Hoping the pain in my heart doesn’t show through my eyes

© Missi The Broken Doll 2021

The one who…

Sing a song of love dyed in deep red.
The girl with big blue eyes holding you tight as the tears fall asking why once again
Too many times you’ve had to wipe her tears away
Play a melody that brings tears to the eyes of angels and chases away demons with the morning light
She has seen you raise the dead for her
You weep and grieve in her place
still holding her heart as if it were as fragile as glass
Taking care to honor her gently in all that you do
You know she still loves you from a distance, her angel, the only one who can and has roused her from the depths of hell
Who can bring her back from the edge
Who can awaken her when all is lost
Who brought the colors back from the void
Who inspires her to love deep and eternal
Who inspires her to be herself once again

© Missi The Broken Doll 2021

Fading

Wandering weakly
a melody catches my ear
a brilliant light shines for a fleeting moment
Gone too fast
Just out of reach
The melody fades away
Where did it go?
The light is blinding in the darkness
And gone too fast for the eye to readjust
Groping blindly for what is no longer there
Listening for a song that will never play again

© Missi The Broken Doll 2021

Father’s day

I’ve never truly celebrated this day
One day I will, by doing the dance of death on your grave

I will dance with glee and joy in my heart
Knowing that you have finally departed

He’s long since turned to ash and been returned to the sea
While you live your life and get to walk free

Your freedom disgusts, and infuriates me
My love awaits you in hell to torment you
Because the last time we met I told him the truth

Part of me hopes the last thing you hear is me whispering his name in your ear
While playing the songs of my angel, inciting your deepest fears

The only things you gave me were disorders, complexes, lies and pain
broken promises, trust issues, and nightmares all for your gain

I hope that your past truly haunts you every waking moment, every sleepless night
Every time you dare to close your eyes

I hope you die alone, tired and sad
Because you were never a fucking dad

If only patricide were not a crime
But it is so I bide my time

Death comes for all, But he won’t take me
Until I am avenged, So mote it be

© Missi The Broken Doll 2021